Life Lessons of an Athiest

Have you ever loved and care for someone so much that you become so emotionally and physically drained but you would do anything for them no matter what? I’ve made promises that I have to keep but are so hard to keep. Every now and then I ask myself can I really keep them? There are times that I just want to throw my hands up and surrender. But I can’t. I have to remain strong. There are times that all I want to do is fall and scream, but I know if I fall, all promises are broken and nothing gets fixed. Sometimes I just want to walk away and give up, but if I do, then I fail and hurt the ones I love. If you know what I am talking about, then I am pretty sure you know what I am going through. The past few days have been hell. I have faced challenges that I never thought I would ever have to face. I wish that I could just rewind the clock and take everything back so that no one would have to go through all this. Somehow, I think that karma is trying to get back at me or my best friend. What have we done that is so bad? What has my best friend done to deserve this? Why does he have to be victimized? What have I done to have to watch someone that I truly care about have to go though this? I remember that just a few days ago, our biggest worry was just how to live life. Now, our biggest worry is how we are going to survive with our heads held high, especially my best friend. I don’t know how he can be so strong. I wish I had his strength and faith. Every day now is just going to be a struggle and a waiting game. Just the other night, the night that everything happened, I had the worst nightmare. I never really have nightmares unless something happens r something weighs heavily on my mind or heart. But this nightmare felt so real, it felt as if i couldn’t escape. It was about every struggle that my roommate was going through right now. It was about his girlfriend, or ex now, it was about his fights, and it was about our friendship. I feel so guilty that I may have ruined his relationship with his girl because if it wasn’t for me, then they would still be together, but jealousy got the best of her. I hated her with passion and still do, she is the biggest b*tch on this planet. I have never met someone as selfish as her. I never once done anything to her, but be close to her boyfriend which is my best friend and we were close before she ever even came in the picture. She expects me to jump up and leave so that she can have him all to herself. Yea, I don’t think so. I was here first and I’ll be damned if I let someone kick me out of the picture or walk out. I will not let anyone I care about go without a fight, especially him. Everything that he is going through right now has been hell, and during the past couple days, all she has cared about is how he treated her wrong and how I am apparently a complete b*tch who is trying to take my best friend from her. God, how I hate her with passion. Not once was she worried that his life can be ruined. All she could do was put more weight on his shoulders by being so selfish and telling him he is nothing. Right before all hell broke lose the other day, I cussed her out for all she is worth and went off on her. That was a major relief. I felt so much better. She deserved it and he knows she did. I was right about how they were both acting and she needed to know. But I feel so guilty that I ruined that relationship. Maybe if I were out of the picture, they would still be together and that was part of my nightmare. If I were gone, maybe none of this would have happened and everything would be ok. The nightmare was so surreal that I couldn’t escape. I did all I could to try to escape. Finally I was able to wake up. When I woke up, I was in cold sweats and tears. All I could do was go get in the bed with him and lay there with him to feel like nothing was ever going to get in between us. I did it in hopes that it would reassure me that everything would be ok. All thats going on has done nothing but ware me out but I know in my heart that it will make me stronger. I made a promise to him that I will always stand behind him no matter what happens and no matter how hard the situation was, even if he was wrong. The truth is, there are times that I feel like its easier to just throw the flag in the air and give up, but I can’t because its always bros before hoes. We stick together no matter what.

dearoldlove:

Stop trying to define maturity, and start acting mature.

(via runawaytrain)

How do you chose between two people you love?How can you make someone you love chose?Does it make us wrong for being jealous?Does it make us right to hate?If you loved someone, you would wan them happy?But if they loved you, they wouldn’t throw you away?How can you come between your bestfriends happiness?Can you sit back and watch him being hurt constantly?Can you watch belittle himslef to make his love happy?Is that really his love?Or the right girl for him?Would she really make him act like a dog to be happy?Would she make him give up everything he has ever known?I thought noone had to choose between anyone. I thought that the people that you loved and loved you would accept your loves regardless if theres if theres hate and love. I thought I have a right to be jealous when some girl walks in and tries to take my bestfriend. Because I love him, I would accpet regardless of how she treated me or hated me. But why couldn’t she do the same? I thought she was in love with him? So why would she make him change everything for her? I thought that is she loved him then she would love him for who he is not what she wants. I wonder if this girl really knows what she want. I doubt it because she doesn’t know what love is and how to react to it when it is given to her. If you love someone, you would do whatever makes them happy regardless. But you would also love them for them, not what you want them to be. You would accept them without any changes being made and you would accept their family a friends nonetheless. So maybe if she sees this, she will figure out what love is and maybe grow up and do the right thing?

Everything we see is a false reality,while we’re watching each other their watching us, ALL THE TIME. Maybe its just a figment of my over active imagination,but i guess just because i’m paranoid doesn’t mean their NOT out to get me,but if it is real why me i wonder, all i’ve been told is its my revolutionary views may stir up some sort of trouble for them,the objective isn’t quiet clear but i guess time will tell,i know i wanna save the world but some times people have to learn on their own,  A great man once said your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them,it seems to be getting harder distinguishing reality from the allusions people make for us or for that matter the ones we make for our selves,maybe its part of the plan to make me think i’m crazy. Its working ~~~~By Devan Parker

theres like crowds of people all around me they’re perpetuating forward but not moving they’re arms and legs at all,so the i start thinkin “this is a trip i can control it so i thought what do i want most ? so i open my eyes and theres a super model right in my face, but the thing is u can’t stop ur mind from wondering u can’t focus real well, cause u can’t control ur brain u spend ur whole life tryin to control u brain it the largest weapon in the world and we’ll never figure it all out,the closet we’ll get is psychedelic trips,the whole universe is nothin but bacteria and energy we’re just bacteria on an atom of another organism the whole universe and beyond is like that its a vicious pattern that goes on forever and ever just tryin to make us mate and reproduce faster and more efficiently. remember everyone one needs to have atleast one psychedelic trip in there life time take yours today~~~~~~~~~~~By Devan Parker

Red Lights. Your supposed to stop for them, right? Well, I would hope that all of you sould say yes. Well, since you have to stop for them, you have to be patient, right? Well, for me and my family, patience = insanity. It is so hard for us to be patient. Well, stop lights have become very interesting for me and Jo! So, at every stop light, we have to take a picture. But not just any picture, but an awesome picture. Can you possibly guess what kind of picture? Well, yes, it would be of us. But we lead very interesting lives, and well we try to leave all the dull moment out. So, she came up with a brilliant and awesome idea. We would get a picture of us kissing! So now, at every stop light, every final destination on a vacation, and at every state line, we Kiss! How awesome is that? LOL. I have no idea why I am putting this up here. Jo is probably gonna kill me when she reads this. I don’t mean literally kill me, but yall know what I mean. I guess I’m putting it up here because it makes an awesome memory. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, go out there, experience life and capture those moments. Remember the quote, “We may forget about the times, but we’ll never forget about friends.” ??? Well me and Jo may forget those times, but as long as we have that photo, we will never forget, but even if there is no photo. We will never forget each other and the memories of us laughing and being goofy!

Last night, my best friend/roomie, Devan Parker, whom I love with all my heart, made me think. I have been sick for the past week. Havent really been up for anything but sleep. Devan made sure I was ok, and made sure I was out of pain but we decided that since my mom is out of town, we would crash at her place for the night with a few of our friends over and chill out. We were having a great time laughing and talking. But Devan’s friend, Shawn, whom I am trying to get on good terms with, was talking to me about family and religion. He’s been through some tough years and took the wrong path and messed up in his life. Because of the path he took, it messed up his mind, personality, and common sense, but one thing is for sure, it didn’t mess up his intelligence. We talked for an hour about family and religion. Well while we were talking, Devan was on the phone talking to his girlfriend, well more like arguing, but anyway, he finally came out of the bathroom after he finished having his private discussion with her. He came and sat on the bed with me and Shawn, still on the phone with his girlfriend, he was listening to our conversation, he heard us talk about forgeting some of our past times and family. Well when he heard us, He made a statement, “We may forget about the times, but we’ll never forget about friends.” that one line had me thinking for a while and hge does have a point. I went back throughout my childhood, the farthest I can remember. I was able to tell you all the important people in my life and why they were there, but as for the times, all I could remember were my emotions. I can’t remember what happened or where I was at, all that came to mind, was how I was feeling. But I was able to remember the people in my life that I shared my feelings with. So, we may forget about the times, but we’ll never forget about friends. Just remember, family isn’t made up of people who are blood linked and marriage linked to you. Family are the people who canre and love you and will do anything for you. So, my little family consist of my roommate/best friend, Devan Parker, and my other best friend Joanna Rivera, who should totally come move in with us. I love them with all my heart and can’t imagine any second with out them. So LOVE is what links you to friends that soon become your Family.

Can you give up on a life that you have known for so long? a life that is the only thing you know? a life that you thought treat you so well?

But in reality, the life you know is a living hell.

So can you give up on something that is the only thing you know?